When you think you have something going reallly good and u begin to gain happiness... and some plans change.. and u were looking forward to that something happening and u had everything planned... its like a big smack in the face... i started putting my walls down because of what was going to take place. mabe my closure will never happen. i need it.. bad... i never got the chance to re gain myself.. and it hurts.. so bad.. i feel like i just got pushed ten more steps back ward when i started to pick up my pace a little bit.. way to go skyler.. this is why my head works the way it does. its always been one thing after another... and another.. and another... and its still going. mabe nothing i write on this stupid blog is making any sense to anyone.. but its a little distraction from the world i guess.. mabe i dont know what i want from life.. but i know what i want right now. i want home.. my mom.. my friends. i want to be able to put flowers on my daddys grave. to hug my sister. to see my family.. mabe its all to much to ask for.. im sorry for asking soo much.. but dont a deserve to be a little happy and look forward to something in my life.. idk anymore.. im thinkng about giving up. i cant try.. my heart hurts.. bad... and theres no way in explaing the feeling.. it just hurts