sometime life is hard, but doing what u have to do is harder

Life is hard.. Whoever looks like there happy and never looks upset to u is LYING... Straight up!!!! Ive decided to start my own path... I need aloneness... i hate that i probably  wont see any of my blood family ever again but its something i have to do... i have to relive my past alone. That's really what i need. aloneless.. quietness.. i wanna stand on top of the highest mountain by myself i wanna feel like I'm in the clouds. i want to feel like i have to force myself to breathe to stay alive. i feel like me being alone will help/ i need to relive my past in order to start my real future. the second chance was amazing. but life's hard and doing what u need to do is harder..

...

There is no exuse of  " oh well i love him " If he cheated on you then what the hell are you thinking. Hes a bastard!! duh... obviously he cheated on you so that means he really didnt wanna be with you!!! gosh people kill me... WERE TEENS.. WE DONT LOVE!!! and if he is sending pictures of his penis to your best friend and she shows then to you and you beleive him over her. then ur retarded.. straight up

What i want in a man:)

So ive just kinda been rambling on about the whole depression bullcrap haha but kinda figured ide right about something else for a change:P
So ive decided to go on a rampage on what i find in a perfect guy for me:)

   So i love attention:) i crave attention 24/7 lol i cant help it:) Now not saying that if my man had to work ( which is required ) and he had to work long shifts and couldnt talk to me, i think i could live.. haha but anywayss.. i love being called beautiful and gorgeous and sexy. I just want him be able to make me feel good about myself.  Ill NEVER admit it and ill never say two words about it but i love surprises and i love gifts haha. I could 100 % do with out but its just sweet:)  I love just riding around and listening to music. LOUD music:) So a drivers license is a must! Ill admit sometimes i can be a little bit of a bit**. I like a guy who isnt scared to stand up to me and put me in my place:) Even if that means me turning into a bigger bit**... I like a guy who doesnt pout lol be a man lol i promise if i do something to piss you off. i can make up for it later:) I like a guy thats serious about our relationship but can mess with me and isnt afraid to party with me. You can look but if i see ur hands on a another girl. Im gonna show a guy how hard a girl can throw a punch:P Mostly i want a guy who isnt scared to be with me around his friends and can say and proves to me how he loves me:) Showing it and saying it means two different things to me. But i like both... Hmmm Surprise me! bring take out over to my house and we can watch movies and hangout:)  I dont mind ordering pizza and lighting candles and the night can be just for us:) Tell me what your doing. It may sound like im being nosey. but i like to know when ur with ur friends. When i ask u over a txt what ur doing and u say nothing and ur really at ur friends house. im gonna get pissed off. and thats just because i can lol For my last little tip! Has to be able to play in the mud with me..

When you think you have something going reallly good and u begin to gain happiness... and some plans change.. and u were looking forward to that something happening and u had everything planned... its like a big smack in the face... i started putting my walls down because of what was going to take place. mabe my closure will never happen. i need it.. bad... i never got the chance to re gain myself.. and it hurts.. so bad.. i feel like i just got pushed ten more steps back ward when i started to pick up my pace a little bit.. way to go skyler.. this is why my head works the way it does. its always been one thing after another... and another.. and another... and its still going. mabe nothing i write on this stupid blog is making any sense to anyone.. but its a little distraction from the world i guess.. mabe i dont know what i want from life.. but i know what i want right now. i want home.. my mom.. my friends. i want to be able to put flowers on my daddys grave. to hug my sister. to see my family.. mabe its all to much to ask for.. im sorry for asking soo much.. but dont a deserve to be a little happy and look forward to something in my life.. idk anymore.. im thinkng about giving up. i cant try.. my heart hurts.. bad... and theres no way in explaing the feeling.. it just hurts

Sittin here thinking about some pretty messed up shit:P lol ughh i dont know anymore. im trying to believe the whol everything happens for a reason stuff but now im thinking tht life is hard. but doing what u have to do is harder

not caring

Its hard enough being in a foster home, but its even harder when no one listens to a damn word u say. n when u threaten them they still dont give a flying fuck!!! i only have a couple ppl tht listen to me. ha nevermind only 1... my aunt wilda. thnk god for her lol. i mean if someone does listen they only listen to half of what i say and sometimes they just turn everything u say around or think of it as something else. im so tired of caring. im gonna put my walls back up n not give a shit :/

Whatver

So i dated this guy Kyle right. Well his ex is having the baby today. Kinda pissing me off because no body will leave me alone about it. Its just like what the fuck. i think i have enough shit to deal with. I personally just feel bad for the kid. Bad part about it. it that through the whole pregnancy he didnt want nothing to do with her n was with other girl n was with me. Bitch he dont want you. he just wants his baby. DUHHH